Future Husband and The “List”

(Everything quoted is from Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer’s book Praying For Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart for His.)

We all have the shameful “list” that has the characteristics of what our perfect husband will have. Some are simple: sweet, funny, honest, caring, Christian and God-loving. Others, though, are way out of proportion: MUST have blue eyes, blond hair, 5’8 exactly, a hockey player, strong, etc. Although that list does sound quite nice, why are we making lists of what our future husbands must have when God already has him picked out and waiting for us? How would you feel if you knew that your future husband was making a list right now of what qualities you must have? His list might entail: short, blond hair, green eyes, loves scary movies, has to be sporty and what not? 1 Samuel 16:7 tells us “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Why we can’t be like the Lord and see only the heart? Why can’t we accept the idea of someone loving us who isn’t the most handsome man in the world or the wealthiest but has the biggest heart and loves us for us? “We don’t just marry the outward appearance of a man . . .  We marry the heart. When you link the deepest, most vulnerable part of yourself with your husband, you are, in essence, marrying his truest self.” Good looks are an added bonus; I think any married woman can tell you that. But what is more handsome in a man is not what is on the outside, but rather what is in his heart.

I believe that a list is good to a certain extent. Having a list means you won’t settle for the first handsome man that calls you beautiful on a date. That list gives you boundaries of what he must have. But I must ask you, if you think about your list, does yours only entail physical appearances? Or do you include character qualities as well? In Praying for Your Future Husband, there is a list of character qualities. I challenge you to pick the top ten and make that be the only list you have. Write them down, put them on a note in your phone. Put in somewhere that you’ll always have to go back and look on when you start thinking about physical appearances only.

  • a good listener
  • a people person
  • attentive
  • bold
  • cautious, doesn’t make rash decisions
  • compassionate, generous
  • conforms to God, not to the world
  • content
  • creative
  • decisive
  • dependable
  • determined
  • diligent
  • discerning
  • does right things, modeling Christ
  • encouraging
  • enjoys family
  • enthusiastic
  • faithful
  • flexible
  • forgiving
  • gentle
  • has a sense of humor
  • has endurance
  • heavenly focused
  • humble
  • joyful and thankful
  • loving
  • loyal
  • obedient
  • orderly
  • patient
  • punctual
  • pure
  • resourceful
  • responsible
  • reverent
  • secure
  • seeks Gods wisdom
  • seeks justice
  • self-controlled
  • sensitive
  • sincere
  • thorough
  • thoughtful
  • thrifty
  • trusts God’s timing
  • truthful
  • wise
  • works for the Lord, not for the man

I challenge you, all of you, to pick your top ten and like I said write them down, but also comment them on here so I can see. My ten are: a good listener; cautious, doesn’t make rash decisions; dependable; encouraging; enjoys family; faithful; loving; patient; seeks God’s wisdom; and works for the Lord, not for man. I understand that picking ten is extremely difficult but you’ll feel a sense of empowerment after doing so because, like I’ve tried to make clear, outward appearance is not the only thing that matters.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

-McKala Ridenour

One Comment

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  1. Much wisdom young lady.

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